I just got off an interesting if not entertaining phone call. My cell phone rang with the caller ID listing the call as “Private.” Whenever that happens I do one of a few things.

1.    Ignore the call
2.    Answer the call and only speak in Japanese until they hang up
3.    Answer the call and speak in a heavy accent and act confused about everything they say

Today I chose option 3.


Me in my best Russian accent: “Ello”
Caller: Hello (in a strong Indian accent)
Me: Ello (Keeping a bad Russian accent throughout the call)
Caller: Hello
Me: Are you understanding English?
Caller: Hello Sir this is Gary from P Fast Tech Computer security.
Me: What?
Caller: Sir, I am calling you to tell you your Internet firewall and antivirus have been deactivated and your computer has been compromised.  (I almost started laughing. Seriously, a scam call, about computers.)
Me: What company are you calling from?
Caller: Sir, and I’m calling because of your firewall and antivirus are off and your computers are going to be shut off. (Oh are they now? Time to have some fun.)
Me: What are you talking about?
Caller: Your computer… your firewall is turned off and I am calling to tell you that your internet connection is going to be turned off.
Me: Are you lying to me? Why are you calling me?
Caller: This is quite serious. Your internet will be shut off because of your firewall.
Me: What firewall, what is the firewall you are telling me about?
Caller: Your Windows computer is having trouble and you need me to help you or your internet is being shut off!
Me: My Windows computer? What are you talking about?
Caller: (Voice getting louder) SIR… you have to listen to me your Windows computer… You are going to lose your internet, do you want that to happen? DO YOU?
Me: Do you know who I am? Why are you calling me?
Caller: (Voice even louder) You are not understanding. You are in trouble and you need me to fix your Windows Firewall or you will lose your internet and your computer will be worthless.
Me: (To escalate the situation raised my voice and to keep in character started to drop words) You are for not real call, you are scammer.
Caller: (now yelling) Sir, your Windows machine is broken, you NEED MY HELP!
Me: (now in a stern voice) I only have Linux on computer, tell me what Firewall software is not running.
Caller: Your Windows machine is…
Me: (interrupting) Linux, I have Linux, what are you trying to pull sir?
Caller: What? Linux? Wait… I um..
Me: (interrupting again) So tell me again about my Windows machine and the firewall. Why did you call me? Why are you call to lie to me?
Caller: Sorry sir. I must have called the wrong number, I…
Me: (interrupting again) No, no, no. You said you were calling me because of my Windows computer. You are a liar.
Caller: Sorry sir it is a honest mistake I…
Me: (interrupting again and yelling) I need to speak to your manager right now!
Caller: Yes sir.
(long pause)
Caller: (obviously the same person trying to change their voice) Hello sir..
Me (laughing now… finally in English) Moron

At that point I hung up.

Although I realized it was obviously a scammer, and I was able have a little fun, and wasted the person’s time preventing them from using that time to try and scam someone else. People do need to be aware: Microsoft or any other internet security company is not going to randomly call your house if your computer is having issues.

And if someone does call you with this claim either hang-up on them, laugh at them, mess with them like I did, or threaten to call the police. BUT, whatever you do, DO NOT help them remotely connect to your computer, DO NOT go to any website they ask you to go to, DO NOT let them talk you into reading you event logs. The only thing they are trying to do is to get you to give them access to your computer so they can break it, and charge you money to fix what they just broke, or worse talk you into installing a backdoor on your computer so they can steal your personal information.